Both Friend and Foe,
The holiday candles are burning, my friends. Christmas is only days away. Many presents have yet to be purchased, let alone, wrapped and distributed. Thank the good lord above (thanks be to Allah, etc.) I can always count on Santa to bear the brunt of the load.
Yes, the holiday season is again upon us. Rest assured good old Saint Nick knows who’s been naughty and who’s been nice, no matter what George W. Bush or Dick Cheney may say to the contrary. I recommend two lumps a piece. Of coal that is, but then I assume you knew where I was going with this.
Ah, but I digress.
We acquired our Christmas tree in the usual manner, and from the usual suspects, whom we have ascertained use the proceeds to fund a covert children’s hospital in a predominantly Hispanic neighborhood. Mum is the word.
The parking lot was dimly lit. Actually, it was not lit at all. It was dark! We peered through the shadows, shaking branches curiously and horse-trading in our best broken Spanish. We settled on a fine tree. The gentle mannered attendant then secured the tree to the roof of our truck with about forty feet of heavy rope I assume was strong enough secure an angry bison to our rooftop. No extra charge.
As we pulled away from the unpaved parking area adjoining the unlit tree lot, we were greeted by the most unusual sign. 'NO REFUNDS OR RETURNS' the sign portended. They must be on to us, we mused, as we drove away, singing carols in our best broken Spanish.
Eggnog and fudge await.
Skate the Razor